Ambitious nurture may become unwanted torture
By
P.R.Ramachander
( All middle class parents want to make their son rich and they want him
to get , all that they did not get. Some times
the children may feel that their father
is not bringing them up but
torturing them. I saw a tamil
post to this effect by my friend Meena Rajan.Thanks to her)
A great
writer delaing with family problems
got an e mail,
It was written by a
retired school teacher who had two sons,
One of them was in
USA and the other was
in Australia,
His problem was
lonliness as he and his wife were living alone.
His wife had rheumatism and he had very severe chest congestion,
And their
doctors adviced them not to go
and live in those two cold places,
Their sons were
not even coming to India
once in two years ,
And even if they come , they used to leave within five days.
And in those five
days , they hardly spent five hours with parents,
And they told ,
All the time our sons live
in India , they read your books,
Can you please
advice our children , how much their parents are suffering .
WE do not want
anything from them but we want them to talk with us.”
I read the e
mail again and again
and forwarded to their son,
And within a week, I got a
reply from him , explaining his stand.
“I have lived in TRichy with my parents , for twenty two years but I do not have ,
Any attachment
with that town or
with my parents.”
He continued ‘Possibly
even before I was born , my father
,
Had decided that I
should become an engineer and possibly,
With that aim right
from LKG days he was teaching
me ,
All the twenty four hours and mother also
taught us some times.”
“I do not have any
memory of my childhood other than
studies,
I had to study on Sundays, during festivals and during
vacations.
Nowadays when I
do not get sleep , I some times try to think,
Of my child hood days
and not even a joyful incidents pops in my mind.”
“I some times try to search even for sad
incidents so that I can,
Have mental contact
with my father , but I failed to find any.
My school was
worse than my home as it was a private convent.
WE would be watched
, taught and punished , every
minute we were in school.”
“I was not allowed to do anything but studies, no
play , no reading ,
And nothing whatsoever
and I was made an expert in learning ,
BY heart all that
in the book and vomiting them out with
great efficiency,
In the tests and
in places where I was
asked about it.”
“Only after I completed
my graduate in engineering and reached,
USA , I came to know
that there are many things apart
from studies,
And human
life was full of joy , friendship
and relationship,
And my life changed and
I loved that life and hated my earlier life..”
“When I am come for a visit, within a day , I feel I am
in an align town,
And want to get out
of that hell as soon as possible but yes,
WE have affection
and respect to our parents but to me,
They appear, yet another
two oldies , whom we did not know.”
“Durinng the twenty two years I was with them they have
not ,
Talked any thing
except our future as well
as our studies and even now ,
All they want to know is our salary , savings
and warning us,
Not to spend
money , b not buy books and not go to restaurentts.”
Please tell
us , can we talk with those bores more
than half an hour.
However much acting
we may try to do , how can we talk to them.
How can we live in an alien town with alien people for
long.
WE try our
best , more than five days we cannot
stay with them .”
I forwarded his
reply to his parents and they wrote to
me ,
A sorrowful letter
blaming their son
as irresponsible,
Ungrateful ,
inhuman , greatly selfish and an idiot.”
And I wrote to them
a very short letter to make things clear.
“Childhood is the
time of joy , when games have to be
played ,
When festivals
have to be celebrated, when
harmless chichat,
With friends and
relations to be done but you did not allow ,
Them to have the
joy of childhood and they would blame
you for it.”
